I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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