last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize