OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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