It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
