He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
