After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
