When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
