sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
