phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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