Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
