My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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