I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?