There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.