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if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
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