Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default