i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.