So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!