Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
