can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
please don't ironically join a cult
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