That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
