Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
