the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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