so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
