there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize