Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
