$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
