So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
