Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
FUCK WHALES
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
