so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
