No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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