I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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