I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
