He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
