I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
