dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think i got beer on your cat.
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