My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
be right there i have to get my cape
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
