Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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