I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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