He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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