she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i was in the wii world.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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