i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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