dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
