My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
