Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
