kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
