Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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