i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize