and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Randomize
