dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
