I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
