Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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