she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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