Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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