I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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