oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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