I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
