need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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