Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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