I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
