Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize