the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
