dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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