Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
