and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
