@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
