party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
