how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Welp...herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
