That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
