Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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