he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
