If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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