I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
