obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
