Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
