Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
