okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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