Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I believe in your delicious
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
