I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
