I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
