So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you. Go after that dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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